Everything
by collinfan
Summary: Before the Last Battle and before Merlin's betrayal, two young men of very different ranks were friends. Hours before the battle a king goes against everything and faces his most fearsome battle yet- declaring love for his servant turning the friendship into something rare and fragile but beautiful. A snap-shot prequel to the Sins of the Innocent.


By the time the page left my tent I was already regretting giving the order. I had to focus my breathing and steel myself not to run and hide. Ha! Me running. I was the youngest king this side of the King's forest and about to go into battle with my deranged half-sister. I fought dragons, magical beast and then some. So the thought I was scared and shaking and wanting to be sick over the simple thought of confessing my feelings, something I'd done once or twice or four times in my life was, well crazy. Just simply bat-shit crazy. Yet, here I was sweating and my heart about to pound out of my chest. I gripped my sword and felt myself relax. There was nothing like the cool meatal of a sword that's been through many blood baths to calm your nerves. Okay so maybe it wasn't the best thing that could relax a person but hey.

"Merlin, sire." The page announced and Merlin walked through the tent flap. My breath caught. There he was. The young man who had once been the most annoying and sarcastic servant I ever had and who know was in my every thought morning, noon, and night. I never in my dreams I thought I'd fall head over heels for Merlin- a servant and a male no less. At first it was my concern for him one day when he seemed down. Really down. There he was all sulky like polishing my boots. I wince now to think of how many boots I had given him. Way too many for one person. His face and eyes were sad. Gone was the happy glow. The spit fire of wit and the spark of laughter was gone. I had watched from the door way as he mechanically picked up a boot, dipped the rag, polished, and then set the boot aside. I did not know what I was feeling then. The heaviness in my chest, the urge to go over to him, to make that smile come out of hiding. I did end up walking over there. Sitting down and talking. He did smile. But I felt I could do so much more and when I left I felt…sad.

I think I finally figured out what I was feeling- or I knew it all along- but had finally found the courage to admit it. Merlin had been lost. He was gone. For days. For nights. The servant who took his place was, well was simple not _my_ Merlin. Everyone told me that it was no use looking after a week. Merlin was gone and maybe dead. Everyone had seemed to give up home. I was…I had been close to death many times. I knew what the bitter and cold feeling of a sword wound that's too close to the heart feels like. I know the dream like state is like when you're poisoned. The numb feeling you get when your body is pulling at you to leave. What I had felt in that week was worse than any of that. It was living death. Food was ash. My body did not want to move. It felt heavy and cold. My thoughts were void and just not there. I heard whispers in the dark of Merlin's death. My dreams were filled with regret at situations I could no longer change. My heart crying to the tune of love that would never be told.

But then I found Merlin. Covered in mud head to toe. I held him then. Held him tight so he could not leave me again. I wanted to kiss him. Tell him all. But I didn't. It was not the time. We were both in a place that would not allow for it. I had to wait and hope.

"Arthur?" Merlin spoke up and pulled me from my thoughts. I shook my head and smiled to show him I was okay. What a fool I must have looked standing there just looking at him. I sat down at one of the chairs at the long table we had used the day before for planning our attack. I waved him to sit in the chair opposite.

"You do know Merlin we have enough food. You don't need to hide any like a squirrel," I said and reached over and tugged at his neckerchief. Food splatters covered it here and there. Merlin blushed, his ears turning bright red. I chuckled.

"Gawine had been trying to steal my food ..." he trailed off when he noticed I had let my hand rest on his.

"Tomorrow we go into battle," I began, "The odds do not look in our favor."

Merlin shook his head, "When has King Arthur ever failed a battle. We have gone against Morgana before and this time will be no different. You'll see."

I felt tears in my eyes. I blinked them away. Merlin turned his head looking owlish. He blinked, "Arthur what's going on?"

I stood up afraid if I sat looking into his eyes I would crack and then this would all be for nothing. A king is stronger than this. "Merlin you have been a faithful servant. You have went far and beyond what is expected of someone of your rank. You have saved not only my life, but those of my knights as well. I do not know how to think you. You have become an alley and a friend. I cannot imagine how you must feel going into battle with no experience in the matter-"

Merlin shot up out of his seat. He came around the table so he was nose to nose. I felt his hot breath on my cheek. "Arthur you better not be dismissing me you prat. I swear if you are, now of all time and after all we been through." He slapped a hand on my chest. "You stupid clot-pole I-"

Then I kissed him. It was more than anything I ever imagined. Warm and sweet. Tender and hard. More passion and heat then fire. My arms slipped around his waist pulling him to me. I felt him hesitate and let out a mummer of surprise. I was afraid he would pull away, but then he wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me back. When we finally came up for air we rested out foreheads against each other. Merlin lopsided grin filled his face. I knew I was smiling too.

"Well I had a more grand speech planned out," I say with a laugh, "but this works too."

"I take it you're not dismissing me?" Merlin grabbed the front of my tunic pushing himself against me.

"No. Never."

"I never thought you may have felt the same way."

I kissed his cheek, "How could I not?"

I stepped away. I looked at him. Merlin there is a good chance I will not be coming back tomorrow."

Merlin opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand. I reached into my cloak and withdrew a medallion. A dragon encircling a ruby. The Pendragon house crest. The king's to pass to his spouse to keep them safe and give them board and authority in some bounds. Merlin's eyes grew wide. "Good you know what this is."

"I thought…people expect Gwen…Arthur-"

"I love Gwen yes. As my friend and a sister. People think what they want. She is not my choice for spouse or heir if something were to happen to me. You are. I have the papers drawn up. The knights and Gaius are my witness. They already know. I just had to tell you. Even if you did not return my feelings I would still have picked you. I love you. I always have. I always will."

I placed the trinket in his hands. He looked afraid, haunted, and sad. He looked up at me. He put the pendent to his heart. Through gritted teeth he told me, "You better not die tomorrow, sire." He then launched himself at me and I held him close. Then like a whisper, "I love you too."

Merlin was my everything. My life. My future. My happiness. The one person I could count on not to turn against me. No, Merlin was one of the reasons I could fight tomorrow and keep on breathing.


End file.
